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	<title>WIRL Project &#187; Marriage</title>
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	<description>What It&#039;s Really Like.</description>
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		<title>Reality &#8211; What It&#8217;s Really Like</title>
		<link>http://www.wirlproject.com/reality-what-its-really-like/</link>
		<comments>http://www.wirlproject.com/reality-what-its-really-like/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 18 Nov 2015 16:00:17 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Brody]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Entertainment]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[ABCs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[bedtime with toddlers]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Born]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Challenge]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Mornings]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[No Coffee]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Real World]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Reality]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Road Rules]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Toddler]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.wirlproject.com/?p=9912</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[This post is part of a series titled, “A-B-Cs – What It’s Really Like”. Each week a new letter and its word will be revealed. Each word’s explanation will illustrate significant personal meaning, application and ultimately demonstrate, What It’s Really Like… Back in 1998 MTV debuted the reality TV show Real World/Road Rules Challenge – better known as simply, “The Challenge”.  In reflection of my current life I have found that much my own reality is impacted by challenges from the real world and the rules of the road. *** BASED ON ACTUAL EVENTS: 4:30AM – the alarm rings out.  The real world will begin after a few open handed smacks of the snooze button.  Is it mommy or daddy’s turn to take the boys to school?  Whoever’s turn it is has the first shower.  I can’t remember what she said last night.  Was it me or her?  She’s not moving.  Shit, I think it’s my day.  Yep, it is.  OK I’m up. Ouch!  How many times am I going to kick that laundry basket before somebody moves it?  Where is the light?  What’s the difference?  I can’t see anything anyways.  Toothbrush.  Man, the lights are bright.  I’ll try to rub my eyes a few times to clear my eyesight.  Whoa, wish I could not see again.  You look like crap.  When is the last time you worked out?  Ugh, I guess I’ll weigh myself.  That might motivate me to run tonight after work.  Please don’t be high.  WOW.  How is that possible?  I feel 25 pounds heavier than that.  I still feel like crap, though.  Lucky.  Probably still won’t run tonight, anyway. Pounding sinus headache.  Not a sip of alcohol last night and I feel like I’ve pulled an all-night bender and just stopped drinking an hour ago.  Time for the shower.  Don’t forget to turn the light on in Little room before you get into the shower.  It is taking a lot longer for him to get out of bed lately.  Maybe today I can get him dressed on his own without World War III breaking out.  Doubt it. What the hell do I wear today?  This closet selection is so sad.  God, I hate ironing my pants.  Why don’t I do this the night before?  Oh, Kathy’s up.  I’m not going to say anything.  She’s not a morning person.  That’s ok.  I feel like my head is going to explode and I don’t feel like talking either.  Let’s see if Little B is up while I wait for the iron to warm up.  Nope.  He won’t even move.  Why can’t he sleep this hard EARLIER in the night?  I’ll shake him to get things going. “Hey, buddy.  Time to wake up.  Rise and shine!” “No, no, nonono, GO AWAY DADDY.  Leave me ALONE!” When did my toddler turn into a teenager? “Five minute warning and we are going to get dressed.” “No, no, NOOOOOOOO!” I’m so glad he hasn’t learned any cuss words.  I half expect him to use a few one of these mornings. OK, I am dressed.  Now let’s get him dressed.  This has to be the worst part of the day.  What is my strategy?  He’s been terrible to wake and get ready lately.  Sneak attack?  No, that makes things worse.  I can’t bribe him this early.  Let him make the choice. “Who do you want to get you dressed – Mommy or Daddy?”  Classic line.  He usually picks the opposite. “Noooooo!  I DON’T KNOW” That didn’t work.  Now what? Have to try the bribe. “If you get up and get ready without crying we can go get donuts on Friday morning before school.  Do you want donuts?” “I don’t want donuts.  I don’t want to go to school.  Leave me alone, Daddy!” This is turning into a hostage negotiation. *15 minutes pass* I can’t take this anymore.  I am going to start yelling.  Now I’m yelling louder.  OK, now I am threatening to spank him.  Should I spank him?  He just woke up.  That’s really not right.  He is really pissing me off today.  I’m going to be late.  Enough is enough.  Well, that didn’t work.  He’s bawling now.  Kathy just walked in.  THANK GOD.  He has everything but his socks on now.  Good enough.  She can brush his teeth and comb his hair.  I’m out of here. I am starving.  It’s 6:25.  SERIOUSLY?!  I have not even eaten yet.  Why are there no clean spoons?  Cereal sucks when you ate the same exact meal as a snack before going to bed.  ARRRGHHHH!  I just remembered!   I have to pack my lunch.  Unreal.  I have no time for this.  I hear Little B coming down the stairs.  How did she brush his teeth so fast?  No wait, he’s at the top of the stairs refusing to come down.  Awesome.  He hasn’t eaten yet either.  Let’s try the line again. “What do you want for breakfast?  Mommy or Daddy’s cereal?” “I don’t want breakfast!  I want NUFFING!” I look at the clock.  It is 6:29.  Zero hour is 6:30.  The commute is only 15 miles, but traffic is horrific.  If I don’t leave before 6:30 I won’t make it to work until after 8:00.  Screw it.  Leftovers.  Where is the ice pack for my lunch?  Of course I forgot to put it back in the freezer yesterday.  Good thing we have a backup.  Cute, real cute.  The backup ice packs are so fat that the Tupperware doesn’t fit in my lunch bag.  Guess I’ll have to make a sandwich after all. “WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR BREAKFAST?” “NUFFING!” I’m pouring a bowl, I don’t care.  At least I can say that I tried. “Here’s your cereal” “I DON’T WANT IT” “OK, Daddy is going to eat it or throw it away” “NONONO!” (crying ensues)  “I want to eat it!!!” “Sit down at your little table and eat it then.” “Ok… I WANT A BIG SPOON!  I DON’T WIKE THE GREEN BOWL!  I WANT THE BLUE BOWL!!!!” You’ve got to be freaking kidding me.  You know what, I am not even going to fight him today.  Where is that damn blue bowl?  Dirty in the dishwasher.  Figures.  Well that’s out the window. “EAT IT OR IT GETS THROWN AWAY!” (Sobbing ensues) What time is it now?  6:34. I can still make decent time if I am in my truck by 6:45. COFFEE. This can’t be happening.  THERE IS NO COFFEE.  I have no time to make coffee. “Welp, there is no coffee!!!” “I’m so sorry Brody, I can’t do everything around here!” Oops.  That wasn’t for her to hear.  She did get Little B and Baby K ready without my help.  Doesn’t matter anymore. I explode. I light into everything in the kitchen.  Little B, Kathy, the freezer, coffee maker.  I’ll even cuss out my lunch bag while I’m at it. Shut up and get out before you ruin everyone’s day. Truck keys.  I’ve got to get out of here.  I’m going to be late.  I feel horrible for not helping Kathy.  She won’t want my help now because I yelled back at her.  Why do I do that? *15 minutes pass* We are all loaded up.  Deep breath.  We made it.  Start the truck, garage door down, aaaand adjust radio.  No Country this morning.  I need to calm down.  Where is the Jazz station?  There that is better.  Silence. “Daddy, I hungie (hungry)”. *** For me, reality comes in one giant cycle commencing and culminating with two massive countdowns for launching (departing the house) and landing (bedtime).  The road rules quality time spent with my children during three hour commutes in which I stare at the rearview mirror into the backs of their little eyelids after they have passed out from a long day at school.  The reality of “R” is a challenge that each of us faces every day. Rise, retain, remain, retire. Repeat. &#160;]]></description>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>The Question That Made Me Realize My Stress Was Hurting My Husband. A Lot.</title>
		<link>http://www.wirlproject.com/the-question-that-made-me-realize-my-stress-was-hurting-my-husband-a-lot/</link>
		<comments>http://www.wirlproject.com/the-question-that-made-me-realize-my-stress-was-hurting-my-husband-a-lot/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 25 Aug 2015 08:30:30 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Diana Kerr]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Love/Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[busyness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Husband]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Stress]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[What It's Really Like]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WIRL]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.wirlproject.com/?p=8503</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Last year I came across a blog post that encouraged me to ask a question, just one question, of my spouse. The couple who wrote the article said it did wonders in their marriage, so I tried it. I asked Kyle, “What do you need from me?” I fully expected him to answer something related to him, to his love languages, something like, “I need more encouragement and support from you regarding my job” or “I need more quality time with you.” His answer broke my heart. “I need you to be less stressed.” Remember the post I wrote last April? There are no April goals this month? I wrote that post in the midst of a really stressful, icky season of life. I was nearly killing myself trying to do everything and be everything, and it was taking a major toll on my health. To start with, I had horrible insomnia. I would wake up most nights at 2 or 3 a.m., my mind racing and heart beating fast, and never fall back sleep. I was also having mild anxiety attacks at work. I actually sought out counseling, because the girl with the “I can fix anything” mentality was at a loss for how to make the anxiety go away. Normally, I was pretty good at juggling an overloaded schedule and the stress that went with it. This was pretty out of control. In the midst of all the madness, I was so focused on myself and the craziness I’d allowed into my life. I didn’t realize the toll my stress was taking on Kyle. Kyle was literally experiencing trouble breathing when he was around me. My stress and anxiety was partly to blame for the weird, deep breaths I noticed he had been taking. It was a strange new habit that he couldn’t control. Kyle’s answer to my question, “What do you need from me?” shouldn’t have surprised me, but it totally did. His answer changed so much. It turned my problem from one in which I felt like a victim to stress into a problem in which I realized that, through my stress and busyness, I was actually victimizing and hurting the man I love most. Kyle and I decided to take a week off of work and head on a road trip to our favorite part of the country, the South. I shut off the rest of the world for a week. I’m getting emotional typing this as I think about what a difference that trip made. That trip was a game changer. I became myself again. I was the fun, happy, goofy Diana that Kyle loved and missed so much. I missed her, too. On the way home, we resolved to not let that Diana go away again. Life was not magically transformed when we got home, but that change in mindset has been absolutely huge in dealing with my stress and busyness since then. I’m not perfect, and I definitely still freak out sometimes, but the improvement is very noticeable. (I’m also happy to say Kyle is back to breathing normally.) What do you think your man would say if you asked him this question? Maybe he would say something similar. Even if he didn’t answer the way Kyle did, I bet most men would agree that they’d love for their girlfriends/fiancées/ wives to be less stressed out. I think that’s a powerful motivation for us as women, to not only guard ourselves from unhealthy amounts of stress, but to guard our marriages and relationships from that as well. Wanna know my main goal related to stress and my marriage? My goal is not to never ever have stress or ever feel overwhelmed again. That’s not realistic. Plus, stress is actually not always as bad for us as we think. My goal with my stress is to keep it at a level that I can be authentic with Kyle about my feelings without overwhelming him. If I am way too stressed out to be able to accomplish that goal, it means I have to either 1) hide how I’m truly feeling from Kyle in order to protect him or 2) let it out and be okay with causing him anxiety. I’m not okay with either of those options, so I’m working to avoid them. Girl, I believe God wants to use your life in a meaningful way. I believe he has plans for you, and specifically plans for how your marriage or relationship will produce fruit by serving others and pointing others to him. Don’t allow stress and busyness to hurt that plan. Get intentional about how you spend your days. Most of all, pray for God’s strength and peace and that it would permeate you and your marriage. I’ve got your back, and God does, too!]]></description>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>I Chose to Love</title>
		<link>http://www.wirlproject.com/i-chose-to-love/</link>
		<comments>http://www.wirlproject.com/i-chose-to-love/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 30 Jun 2015 08:00:20 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Heather]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Family]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Life/Leisure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Love/Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Confess]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[constitution]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Friends]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Gay]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Gay Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Homosexual]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rights]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Same-Sex Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Secret]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Supreme Court]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.wirlproject.com/?p=7290</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[This past Friday was a huge day. In case you&#8217;ve been without any sort of contact to the outside world, on June 25, 2015, the Supreme Court ruled that the constitution guarantees a right to same-sex marriage. “No longer may this liberty be denied,” Justice Anthony M. Kennedy wrote for the majority in the historic decision. “No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were.” Marriage is a “keystone of our social order,” Justice Kennedy said, adding that the plaintiffs in the case were seeking “equal dignity in the eyes of the law.” I have to admit, when I woke up on Friday in my hotel room in Detroit (I was away for a Direct Sales event) I immediately had tears streaming down my face when I read the news. FINALLY!  Friday&#8217;s ruling made my heart happy. Why? That&#8217;s easy, because I choose love. I chose to love when I was in college and a close friend opened up and told me that she was in a relationship with another female. She was the first person that I knew personally that was out. I remember the look in her eyes, the fear that I would turn my back on her when she announced her secret. I remember her telling me how it hurt when she heard other friends talk about gays. I remember her telling me &#8220;I didn&#8217;t fall in love with a gender, I fell in love with a person, with someone&#8217;s heart. Love does not have a gender&#8221; Wow. I knew from that day, that I was an ally, an advocate of love. Straight love. Homosexual love. Genderless love. Just Love.  I chose to love when I sat with another friend while she came out to her parents. I held her hair back when she was so worried about what the conversation was going to be like that she physically made herself sick worrying about it. I remember closing my eyes and wishing that I wasn&#8217;t hearing the words correctly that were coming out of her parents&#8217; mouths. The words of disapproval, ignorance, and hate. I held her as she broke down after the conversation and we spent the night watching Super Troopers and Napoleon Dynamite hoping that laughter would help erase the previous hours. I chose to love when another friend came out and after a year of harassment and hate couldn&#8217;t take it anymore and took his own life. He was only 22 and the words and actions of others over something they thought he &#8220;decided to become&#8221; could not be pushed out of his mind. I chose to love when a friend from my hometown expressed how much he needed to move to a town with more acceptance. So he packed up everything that he owned and with a close friend moved west, where he felt more free to be who he was. I chose to love when a relative brought his boyfriend to Christmas dinner this year and quietly introduced him as &#8220;a friend&#8221;, it was his quiet way of coming out to those of us that picked up on it. After a late night Facebook conversation with me assuring him that it did not change my opinion of him, he admitted how fearful he was that it would change how others in the family looked at him. It broke my heart that night&#8230; not because a relative was gay, but because he was so afraid that those that love him would change their minds once they found out who he loved.  I chose to love when I watched the documentary &#8220;Bridegroom&#8221; and bawled during 95% of it. (It&#8217;s on Netflix if you haven&#8217;t watched it.) I cannot imagine having to fight to see my husband in the hospital or to not be able to have a say in his funeral if something happened. I cannot imagine not having basic rights as a spouse. I do not expect everyone to believe the same things that I do. However, I do expect others to understand that everyone should have the same rights. September 10, 2011 (yes, 9/10/11) was an amazing day. It was the day that my husband and I got married. We were able to stand in front of our friends and our family and declare our love. We didn&#8217;t have to worry if our marriage wouldn&#8217;t be accepted or honored if we left the state. For the longest time, I couldn&#8217;t imagine my friends and family not having that same right to share their love with those that they care most about. And now, because our country chose to love&#8230; I don&#8217;t have to imagine that anymore. &#160;]]></description>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>The Art of Flirting</title>
		<link>http://www.wirlproject.com/the-art-of-flirting/</link>
		<comments>http://www.wirlproject.com/the-art-of-flirting/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 20 May 2015 09:00:34 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Lori  Ann Davis]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Love/Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[couples]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[flirting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.wirlproject.com/?p=6253</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Whether you are new to the dating scene or are in a long-term relationship, one thing remains the same; flirting is still key to expressing your affections towards someone! We all know that communication is one of the most important aspects of any relationship, but who said it has to be all talk? Flirting can be verbal or nonverbal and can involve body language, touching and eye contact among other things.  And, the good news is that flirting is essential for married couples.  Flirting brings out our masculine and feminine energy, which is what draws us to each other and causes the sparks to fly.  It can make us feel alive, and it is fun! Flirting brings out our masculine and feminine energy, which is what draws us to each other and causes the sparks to fly. So, how do you flirt? Is it something that you are comfortable with? The good news is that flirting can be fun and simple with a few helpful suggestions! Ways to Flirt: • Flirting can be as simple as catching someone’s eye and smiling, lingering there a bit longer than you usually would and then looking away.  Then say” hello” and start up a simple conversation. • Keep the conversation positive and be happy. Smile and have fun. • Make direct eye contact. Look at their face and when they seem excited about something they are talking about, ask more questions. Give them your full attention. • Look for opportunities to compliment them. • Be confident but not overly confident. You don’t have to tell them all about yourself or all the things you have accomplished. Just feeling good about yourself makes you attractive. • Tease them a bit, but be careful not to go overboard. The more you know the person, the more you can use this approach. • Casually touch the other person’s arm or hand. Linger there for a moment more than you normally would. Key Points to Remember When Flirting: • Act like a lady or a gentleman or it is not seen as flirting and will have the opposite effect. It might chase the other person away instead of drawing them closer OR it will get you the wrong kind of attention. Remember, flirting should be subtle in nature.  Remember, flirting should be subtle in nature. • Mimic their body language. • Relax, stop worrying about the outcome and just have fun! Flirting in long-term relationships or marriages is also very important. It helps to keep the relationship alive. When the relationship is no longer new and the romantic phase starts to end, the “feel-good” hormones start to decrease. We get more comfortable with our relationship and with each other. This has benefits, but it also can lead to a decrease in our desire for intimacy with our partner. Intimacy takes a back seat, playfulness decreases and we focus on other things.  We can start to take the relationship and each other for granted. We stop “dating” each other. We don’t put as much effort into the relationship.  We may feel like we no longer need to flirt, but the opposite is true. When the relationship is no longer new and the romantic phase starts to end, the “feel-good” hormones start to decrease. Flirting can trigger those “feel-good” hormones that we had in the beginning of the relationship. It is important to remember why we fell in love in the first place. Men who are not flirted with are not as happy. Men need to be happy in a relationship in order to want to stay. Ladies, this is a great way to show your guy how much you care about him and how much you desire him!  Guys, it tells your lady that you would choose her again as your mate and that you still find her attractive and sexy. This is so important in creating an unstoppable relationship!  It will have the added benefit of making you both feel more alive, and it is fun!  We need this kind of fun and playfulness in our relationships. Men who are not flirted with are not as happy. Flirting with your partner can a look a little different than when you first met. It can be more overt in nature and more risqué! Feel free to flirt in any way that you and your partner are both comfortable with. Here are a few suggestions! Flirting with your spouse: • Smile and look at your partner with that “look” that says “I want you; you are mine.” • Use lingering touch, but this can be more risqué than when you are dating. • A kiss hello or good-bye but instead of a quick kiss, make it a lingering one. • Comment about how nice your partner looks. • Tease them, but make sure they are enjoying it as well. Be careful not to go overboard.  • Text them during the day to build anticipation and let them know what you have on your mind. This can be as subtle or as obvious as you both are comfortable with. Remember that flirting comes in a lot of different forms, but the most important thing is to keep it light and playful. With dating, keep it simple and enjoyable.  With long-term relationships, learn what your partner likes, and use it to your advantage.  Use flirting to make the next move in dating or to keep the sparks flying in your relationship! &#160; Lori Ann Davis MA, CRS Author, Certified Relationship Specialist, radio host www.lorianndavis.com]]></description>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>I Don’t Want To Be A Champion For Abused Women</title>
		<link>http://www.wirlproject.com/i-dont-want-to-be-a-champion-for-abused-women/</link>
		<comments>http://www.wirlproject.com/i-dont-want-to-be-a-champion-for-abused-women/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 04 May 2015 09:00:57 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Stephanie Volkert]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Life/Leisure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Love/Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[abuse]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[My story]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.wirlproject.com/?p=5798</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I’m doing a challenge to blog every day in May. Today’s prompt is “The story of your life in 250 words or less.” I don’t know how to fit 33 years into 250 words, but here goes: I grew up a poor black child….. no wait, that was Steve Martin in The Jerk. Okay okay. I can try to be serious for like five minutes. I’ve never been good at talking about my life. Confusing, I know, because I blog, but I blog about the things that I don’t mind sharing. I don’t want to talk about life pre-age-28 or so, because it’s not so pretty, and it’s not me anymore. I’m in a new marriage, in a new state, with a new house, new pets, nearly new everything. This life does not feel like that life, because this life isn’t that life. This life is better. This life is happier, more fulfilling, less scary, and more stable. This life has less abuse. This life has laughter filling quiet moments, while the past life had fear that forced silence. This life has wonder, adventure, and good wine. This life has date nights and love notes. The past life had isolation and betrayal. I don’t want to be a champion for abused women by talking about abuse. I don’t want to be an advocate. I just want to enjoy this life that I have now, so that’s the life you hear about here. That’s the stories you’ll be getting from me. This life is the life I’ve made for myself, and it is absolutely the best life for me, full of love and laughter and a whole lot of dog hair. &#160;]]></description>
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		<title>What It&#8217;s Really Like Being An Only Child</title>
		<link>http://www.wirlproject.com/what-its-really-like-being-an-only-child/</link>
		<comments>http://www.wirlproject.com/what-its-really-like-being-an-only-child/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 15 Apr 2015 20:30:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Dana Sellers]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Family]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[50]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Aging Parents]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[caregiver]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Caretaker]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fifties]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Financial Plan]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Growing Older]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[only child]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Retirement]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[single]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.wirlproject.com/?p=5281</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[&#160; Growing up an only child in the 70&#8217;s was not very common. I was always accused of being spoiled and self centered. I spent a lot of time defending myself, explaining I did not get everything I wanted handed to me on a silver platter, and this was not my choice that I was an only child. Life was good for most part in our family, until the day my parents decided they no longer wanted to be married to each other. My Mother was your typical stay at home Mom, I heard the other night someone call it a domestic engineer.  She had no real skills for the outside world so we were faced with some financial hardships. My Father remarried years later to a woman 10 years younger and my Mom continued to stay single. I realized over the years how dependent she was on my Father and I did not want that for myself. I finally realized what my strengths were from being an only child. I learned how to be self sufficient, I could be alone with myself and be fine, and I was very independent. Life rolled on by for 50 years and I was quite content in my life, handling day to day matters on my own and making the best of what came my way. During the 50 years that had rolled by, I had been married, divorced, and faced with never having my own children since I wasted my good child bearing years on bad men. (That is another story) I was happy most days selling my products for Beautycounter, educating people on safe products, hanging out with my friends, and of course trying to date. Suddenly my parents started aging&#8230;. where did the time go? They are now in their late 70&#8217;s and early 80&#8217;s. As an only child I am faced having to take care of them and looking our for their well being. I am pretty much covered for my Father, since my Stepmother is in good health; my Mother is another matter. About a year ago we found out that my Mother suffered from anxiety. I knew very little about the disease (yes, it is a disease and not a condition.) It truly is debilitating and can take over ones ability to function everyday. With all that being said, she had to move into my modest condo with me. I have had so many mixed feelings about this, feelings that are hurtful and not so nice. Call it selfish&#8230;here is the only child coming out in me! Why did she not plan ahead for her retirement? I had so many friends who wish they could have been only children while growing up. Now, they think differently with me being in this situation. So many young couples today are choosing to have only one child or they can only have one for various reasons. I think this is smart, but start planning now how you are going to retire and where you might be financially. It truly has opened my eyes&#8230;retirement creeps up fast. Being an only child is a good thing and I would not have it any other way in my situation. I just know now the responsibilities are much different than someone with siblings. I am trying to embrace my life now, as a caretaker, at 50. &#160;]]></description>
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		<title>CHECKS AND BALANCES</title>
		<link>http://www.wirlproject.com/checks-and-balances/</link>
		<comments>http://www.wirlproject.com/checks-and-balances/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 26 Feb 2015 02:00:53 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Brody]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Family]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Love/Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Checks and Balances]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Household]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Marriage]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.wirlproject.com/?p=3453</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[As an American Government teacher, I spend a significant amount of time with my students at the beginning of each semester teaching the six principles of the United States Constitution.  The thorough overview of each principle is intended to build a strong foundation for their understanding of our government and its complexities.  Two of the six principles are Checks and Balances and Separation of Powers.  Without these two essential principles, our government would not function as it does.  I believe the same can also be said about a marriage. It occurred to me when I was teaching these concepts recently that this is very similar to how our current household operates.  Without either me or my wife noticing, these two principles have found a way to become routine to how we delegate responsibilities at home. SEPARATION OF POWERS: The first thing you are told when you take your vows is that marriage is a partnership.  It is difficult at first to learn this first principle, especially when two very independent, self-sufficient people join their lives together &#8211; much like my wife (Kathy) and I.  Either naturally or forcefully responsibilities become more clear and tasks are inherently delegated to become routine contributions to the teamwork of the household.  For example: I take care of the finances and yard work.  Kathy generally chooses the menu/cooks and does the laundry. CHECKS AND BALANCES: In my opinion, this is the most difficult out of the two.  Usually by default, each partner eventually settles into his our her role at home.  What can become the most straining on a marriage is the balance of that separated power.  I will be the first to admit that when it comes to our household responsibilities are not always balanced.  Now that it is baseball season, I work tremendously long work days.  There are nights where I do not walk in the door until almost 9:00PM or later.  Kathy shoulders a lot of the responsibility when I am away, especially with our two-year-old son.  Nearly everyday she gets him up, dressed, fed, bathed and off to daycare only to work a full eight-hour day and to repeat the reverse order Monday-Friday.  This is all while attending full-time graduate school online (we will get to that later).  For that she is my hero and truly the leader of our household.  As an equal shareholder in his partnership it is absolutely imperative that I CHECK and BALANCE these responsibilities as often as I can.  This conscious effort to check in to re-calibrate the work load can go a long way toward the person doing the heavy lifting. Kathy and I have developed a great system for giving each other a &#8220;break&#8221; from our son on the weekends for personal time to tend to whatever we have been putting off.  If you are a parent you know what I mean by this &#8211; kids come before you do and you do not have a choice in that matter.  Kathy and I share  house cleaning duties, weekend laundry, grocery shopping and occasionally the cooking. Even though we have our own household niche, it does not mean the other person should not be included in the household goal setting.  I admittedly do this from time to time with the finances and get angry when the budget is off. This is certainly not fair to my wife if she is kept in the dark.  I have learned inclusion is absolutely vital in goal setting and goal achievement in a marriage.  Even though it may fluctuate back and forth, a two-person seesaw has to be in balance at least once for it to work successfully.  Think about it.]]></description>
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