When someone dies it is easy for us to lock our memories away, thinking that it is just too hard to talk about them anymore. Often times, we tell ourselves that it didn’t happen and that they are just on a very long vacation…a vacation that they will never return from. We can never tell ourselves that we will never see them again because we cannot believe that its true. When someone asks what happened, you’ll tell them that they died. You’ll think about it for a second, but you won’t choke on the words because to you they have not died. To you they are sitting on a beach or in the mountains and probably just have really bad signal.
The memory of the person is well off in your head, constantly repeating the best moments over and over again, almost as if a broken record sits on a record player. I believe that as long as you say the persons name when talking about them, as long as you still do things in honor of them, as long as you remember what they lived for, that they are not dead. They are not dead until their name is said for the last time. Whether that be a year from now, or thirty years from now, is entirely up to us to decide.
When mourning a death, we often accept the “I’m sorry” and the “I send my condolences ,” but never do we hear a “what was he/She like? “
We all know that we appreciate the “I’m sorry,” but that’s just not what we wanted to hear. It isn’t your fault…so why are you apologizing? Instead, ask what the person was like. Not only does this engage in a new conversation to avoid an awkward one, but it also shows that you genuinely care about the loss. Plus, it gives the person that is mourning a chance to remember all of the great things about their perished loved one instead of continuously revisiting the tragic event that occurred.
One of the hardest things to do is tell someone that a loved one has died. You’d much rather tell them that you didn’t get a job, that you failed a test, that you have the flu…but never is it invigorating to admit that you have lost something that is irreplaceable. Sometimes the only thing we want to do is lock ourselves in our room, shut the door to the rest of humanity, and pretend that time has stopped in its tracks. Of course we don’t want to think about our loss, but what else are we possibly going to be able to think about?
It is crucial that we think about all of the time we have had with them before they left, rather than all of the time we will lose with them from this moment on. We must always remember that they wouldn’t want us to cry about their death, but smile about their life. Death takes a body off of the earth, but renews memories in our heads. As long as we live, our names will be repeated. And as long as we are dead, our names will be remembered.Add to favorites