My beautiful baby girl just turned one in March, and motherhood has forced it’s fair share of changes on me, the least of which being my pants size.
The elephant in the room is Postpartum Depression. I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression (PPD) four weeks after I had my bundle of joy. I wanted to be happy, but I couldn’t stop crying. The bottom line is that postpartum depression has changed me.
I’ve always been an emotional person, but generally I’ve been able to see the good in situations, not just the bad. Now, I feel like I’m not the person I was before I became a mom. I’m not the perky, bubbly person who was so sure of herself anymore. I’ve become someone else that I don’t quite recognize.
I’m trying to beat this – trying to overcome what I’m feeling and what my body has decided to do. My doctor has me on antidepressants, my third different brand, and the fact of the matter is, I’m scared. What if I always feel like this? What if they don’t help? What if being on them is going to make me a bad mom?
Research tells me that PPD is a chemical imbalance, and that it’s a lot more common then most women know. Why? What makes it so hard for women to talk about? Maybe it’s the constant feeling that you’re just not good enough. Or the sadness that comes around when you really should be happy.
This is not an easy road for me to walk. This is not what I expected.
And yet, I know that this is not my fault.
I don’t understand why – but this is happening to me for a reason, and God is truly in control. If He put this in my path, then I have to walk around it. I have to overcome this obstacle. And if it brings me closer to Him, and turns me into a more sympathetic and better mother, then it’s worth it.
Until then, I will keep trying. For her.
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