We all know that once you become a mom, you enter the world of Judgerville. It’s a mean and brutal sorority that you don’t have to ask to be in because you are thrown into it whether you like it or not. Judgerville is the place where everyone judges your every parental move and rakes you over the coals for not doing it their way.
Before the internet, it was just nosy neighbors judging everything you did, but now with social media, moms have taken it upon themselves to be so much more brutal and mean to other moms online. Saying things they would never have the nerve to say to someone’s face but since they are sitting behind the security of their own computer, they feel a need or a right to chastise other moms as if they are the end-all, be-all of parents. Here is my open letter to all the Judgy Judgersons out there…
Dear Judgy Judgerson,
Yes, you are perfect. You are the image of sheer perfection in mommy-world. Obviously, every choice you have ever made is the right decision and you are brilliant. For that – I bow to you. Can’t you just be happy knowing that, and not share all your wisdom, critiques and outright judging with every single mom you encounter?
Being a mom is hard. Some days it feels like the hardest job in the world and I’m not sure how I’m going to make it to bedtime. Some days the crying, fighting, whining, temper tantrums, and chaos just feel a bit overwhelming. Kids are…well…kids. They can be awesome but they can also be exhausting.
The last thing I want to hear is that I’m doing everything wrong from the same women who are going through the exact same thing that I am. The same women who are supposed to feel my pain not give me more pain.
You’ve done everything right. You breastfed until your child was 3. You never checked your smart phone or watched TV while breastfeeding because you were constantly making eye contact for proper bonding. You never nursed your baby with intention of getting him back to sleep. When you did bottle feed, you had your child weaned by their first birthday without fail. You had your baby sleeping peacefully through the night at 2 days old with your strict schedule. You never let your baby cry themselves to sleep. You never rocked your baby to sleep. You never propped up a bottle with a receiving blanket so that your baby could eat (in a car seat – gasp!) when you didn’t have a free hand. You never forgot to restock diapers in the diaper bag and were left diaper-less with a diaper blowout at the car dealership. You never used a pacifier. You never used the Exersaucer as a babysitter to just to get a few things done around the house. You always cloth diapered to be the greenest mommy you could be. You read your kids countless books every single night no matter how tired you were. You never got tired. You never cried in the middle of the night that you just wanted the baby to go back to sleep. You never raised your voice to your children. You made all your own baby food all from organic fruits and vegetables, of course. You never missed videoing a baby milestone. You never gave your babies one taste of sugar (especially lollipop sugar!). You never stopped by McDonald’s because you just couldn’t bear to make dinner. You never contemplated calling a dry cleaning service to pick up all 10 loads of laundry that you just didn’t think you could get done. You never let your kids watch TV so you could have time to yourself. You never let your kid play with your iPhone so he would be quiet in the store. You never let your kids eat a piece of cheese and an ice cream cone for lunch because you just couldn’t argue about one more thing. You never felt happy that you were on vacation away from your kids because you got to have a little me-time. You never had the kids that turned into a train wreck in Walmart.
You never did any of that! I get it. You. Are. Perfect. But me? I am not. And most moms aren’t either. I have done all those things and am probably still doing some of them.
I stopped breastfeeding at 6 months.
I’ve checked my iPhone or watched TV while breastfeeding because you know why? Babies breastfeed A LOT! Like every 2 hours. There is only so much eye contact bonding I can do.
I nursed babies back to sleep.
My 3rd baby drank from a bottle until one week shy of his 2nd birthday.
My last baby didn’t sleep through the night until 9 months and still at 2 years old may wake up from time to time.
My babies many times cried themselves to sleep.
My middle child slept in a crib until he was almost 4.
I rocked my babies to sleep from time to time.
I propped up that bottle in the car seat!
I was diaper-less at a car dealership with a diaper blowout.
My babies used pacifiers and it took until my oldest was 3 to wean her from it!
The Exersaucer was my best friend when my kids were babies.
I use and always have used disposable diapers.
I get tired and sometimes don’t read to my kids.
I’ve cried in the middle of the night that I wanted the baby to just SLEEP.
I’ve screamed at my kids.
I’ve have never made my kid’s baby food. Yes, they ate from the jar. (gasp!)
I’ve missed videoing plenty of milestones.
I’ve given my babies Dum Dum lollipops on more than one occasion.
Dinner is out of a bag many nights and McDonalds isn’t a strange place to us.
I’ve thought about the dry cleaning service.
I let my kids watch TV. Even my toddlers!!
My kids play with my iPhone. Often.
My kids have eaten cheese and ice cream for lunch.
I’ve been happy on vacation (and not guilty!) for having me-time.
That train wreck in Walmart has been, and will be again, MY KIDS.
Yep, that’s me. Little Ms. Non-Perfect Mommy! Sure, I put myself out there all the time online and pretty much ask for judgment. I get it. I’m a little different because I run a baby website. But I’m writing you this letter on behalf of all those other moms who are just online or at your playgroup or at school or at the mall or at the restaurant that do not have as loud a voice! They are all not perfect, but they don’t need you to tell them so. They say something here and there only to have you jump down their throat for not doing something right.
Yes, I’m totally not perfect in the way that I judge others too. I’m not going to lie and act like I don’t. When it comes to things like car seat safety, my brother putting Mountain Dew in his kid’s sippy cups, and people having iPads for their kids who are sitting in a piece of crap stroller- I’ve judged. Yep. I did it. I can admit it. I am not perfect. Add it to my list.
But I ask you, Judgy Judgerson, to have a heart. Keep most of your judging to yourself. We all love a good discussion but sometimes your judging turns mean, brutal, unnecessary and people’s feelings get hurt. Remember we are all moms and all in this crazy ride we like to call motherhood together. Just give us imperfect moms a break. Please? Thank you.
The Mom Who Has Had Enough
PS. If you have to judge – just judge the celebrity moms. They aren’t really like us anyway with their nannies, night nurses and 1.3 million dollar births. Judge Beyonce. Whatever. The celebrities don’t care if we judge them, I’m sure. They probably expect it because they are “celebrities”. Opps…was that judging?
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