Every year I try to attend at least one conference where I will hone my skill of writing, and network with others in the same genre. This year I attended an amazing conference called BlogU – short for University. It is held on the beautiful campus of the all girls college Notre Dame University in Baltimore, Maryland. The panels were made up ‘faculty’ who are all successful in their own areas, and are humor bloggers. Leaving the scope of this function to be perfectly aligned with my own interests, unlike other conferences I have attended.
The conference itself was wonderful, the networking was awesome, and as always reuniting and meeting (and it feels so good – please tell me you know that song) with other bloggers I know and admire is a big part of what makes this a fantastic weekend away from my family (besides the obvious weekend away from my family). I attended sessions about Writing and Editing, Branding, Getting a Byline, Building Online Communities, Building My Book, and How to Make Money. All were informative and had many takeaways. Previous conferences I’ve attended always left me overwhelmed, annoyed, and unsatisfied. I would leave wondering why I spent the time and money to go, but BlogU was worth the low cost admission. I truly can’t recommend it enough except to say if you are a blogger, or are considering becoming one, THIS IS THE CONFERENCE TO GO TO. Yes I am screaming, but well it was that good.
To make it even better I didn’t have a panic attack, nor did I make an ass of myself (that I know of), and most importantly I didn’t drink too much meaning I was functioning at all events and breakout sessions. YAY me.
The issue came (you know there is always one) when I traveled home. My flight was Sunday at 1 pm out of BWI to Detroit. I had a 3 hour layover in Detroit before my flight to my final resting place, home. I was pushing it when I arrived to the airport, for my 1 pm flight, 50 minutes prior to departure. My hubs woulda had a shit fit if he was traveling with me. He is a road warrior and likes to be at the airport at least an hour and a half prior to departure. I am more an hour before departure kinda gal so even for me this was cutting it close, but I made it (avoiding all shit I woulda got if I missed my flight…phew) thank god for no real lines in security.
The flight into Detroit was fine, and I didn’t have to sit next to the shitter! YAY me again!
The issue came in Detroit. I trolled around the airport trying to kill three hours. I bought a new small purple roller bag for my daughter’s upcoming trip, I spent a good twenty minutes in one eclectic home shop trying to find something cool and cheap – by the way those two things do not exist in an airport. I enjoyed a lovely meal at PF Changs and one 20 ounce beer before heading to my gate. I arrived with an hour and twenty minutes before take off. After using the restroom I settled in with my book to wait but then shit went south. I fell asleep, I shit you not A-SLEEP!
This is insane since I can’t sleep sitting up anywhere. I never sleep in the car, on the couch, or on a plane. I can only sleep lying down in my bed. But apparently the Gods of Travel said Fuck YOU and sprinkled sleeping dust on me because boom! out like a light. I awoke at 5:55 to a boarding area devoid of people. It was one minute after the doors closed for my plane had closed and I couldn’t get on it. I missed the announcements, the boarding, the reminder announcements, everything. I was sitting where two gates use the same area so I suppose the counter people thought I was part of the other gate, or just a homeless person sleeping in a chair.
I rushed to the counter flailing and shrieking, “Please, please, please open the doors up!” I have no idea why I thought they would, they NEVER do and they didn’t. I was screwed. I had to call my husband and tell him I had fallen asleep in the damn airport and missed my plane. Crickets could be heard, along with him running his hand through the front of his hair which he only does when he’s so annoyed he can’t stand it. Yup this was an epic fuckup. There are not a lot of flights into our town so missing a flight is kinda a major issue.
I stood at the counter crying while the lovely ladies got me on the next and last flight – two hours later. This required a supervisor’s assistance who had little compassion for me when I explained I had just fallen asleep after waiting three hours. Thanks buddy, you’re a doll. My two new besties kept me calm explaining “things happen for a reason”, “God works in mysterious ways”, “not to overthink it”, “all would work out”, “relax it’s fine”, and every other calming phrase as I cried. After finagling the system they got me on the 8 pm out of Detroit as a standby passenger. You can be damn sure I would bolt myself to the fucking door if necessary, I was not missing this flight no matter what. Good thing I was well rested now.
I did make the flight and arrived home just a mere 10 hours after my airport journey day started vs. the 7 it should have been but well what could I do? The only option is to laugh and wait to hear about it for the rest of my life because my husband will beat this horse so much it will rival American Pharoah’s triple crown performance.
All I can say is I truly can’t make this shit up even if I tried. Oh and go to BlogU next year! I am but I’m bringing No Doz for the flight home.
*This WIRL was originally posted on The Shitastrophy
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About the Author…
Originally from NJ, Alyson Herzig lives in the Midwest but has kept her sarcastic cynical Jersey attitude. She has been described as the Andy Rooney of Stay-at-Home Moms. You can find her blogging about the many disasters and observations of her life at TheShitastrophy.com. She is the co-creator of the anthology Surviving Mental Illness Through Humor that will be released in April 2015. Alyson is also a contributor to the anthology My Other Ex: Women’s True Stories of Leaving and Losing Friends and the sequel I Still Just Want to Pee Alone. She has had works featured at Scary Mommy, Huffington Post, Mamapedia, and others. You can find Alyson on her blog, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Google +.
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