What is it really like to be me? Often times I wonder, does anybody care? But then, just as I’m feeling insecure, something or someone comes along and makes me feel really special and important. For example, when I shared last week that I had created and announced WIRL Project – the flood of emotions totally outweighed any doubt I’ve ever had in how much people love and support me – last Tuesday was one of the most awesome days to date! But even in the ordinary times, like every morning when I see my son for the first time, he smiles at me and there is truly no way to describe that level of happiness.
But, as we all know, life isn’t always happy…it’s not always rainbows and butterflies (which social media likes to make people think). And actually, to be honest and “real”, before WIRL Project, my day-to-day life was kind of a mess. I struggled with feelings that I NEVER anticipated as a new mom…I sometimes felt “trapped” in a playroom with a toddler watching The Wiggles, feeling sad that I’d “lost” my independent, outgoing life that I once had. Then it would smack me in the face because I was sitting and playing with the most beautiful little human being on this earth (yes, I’m biased), and I felt shitty about it. Damn – that reality sucks when you feel something but know you shouldn’t. My day-to-day life became so focused around the baby, that I was really losing my sense of who I was as a person and I didn’t know what to do about it.
Throughout all of these arguments I would have with myself, I didn’t really want to admit to my husband, friends, or family that I wanted to escape in some way, shape, or form. I felt guilty for wanting to get a babysitter or put my son in school because I was perfectly capable of taking care of him…but didn’t always want to? Wow – that was even hard to write…but it was true. So, for a long time, I didn’t say anything and then, one day, after having breakfast with my son, watching Wiggles or Pooh, and having snack time for the 1,000th time, I realized that I needed to face reality and stop living a life that was “perfect” for most, but not for me.
So, I talked with my husband and we decided it was time for me to take a leap of faith and pursue something I’d had brewing in my head for such a long time. We decided that it was time that we enroll Mason into a “Mom’s Morning Out” program on Tuesday mornings, and that I get a sitter another morning (or two) of the week so I can venture into something of my own. Did I feel guilty, yes. Was I afraid, yes. Was it hard to say goodbye to the every-day-is-the-same kind of life we were living, yes! But, as I got into the groove of things, I started to get a pep in my step again and I started to feel a confidence that I’ve never felt before. I learned that I was not choosing to walk away from my son, or my “life”, but that I was choosing to do something for myself…which is what was missing all along. And, crazy as it sounds, it has made me a better mom, wife, and overall person.
I can’t sit here and tell you that walking away from my sweet boy three mornings of the week, as he cries and yells out “Mama” as I’m walking away is easy, but what I can say is that I am 100% a better person for being strong and allowing myself to face the reality of what I was feeling and actually do something about it.
So, what is it really like to be a full-time mom, wife, and entrepreneur? Well, it’s hard, crazy, frustrating, rewarding, and tiring, but most of all…it’s perfect for me. I can’t wait to share with you my journey as I continue down this new, awesome road; I can promise you there will be ups and downs and things are going to get crazy, but I can also assure you that with me, you will always get the REAL story, because in the end, when you’re real and honest with yourself and how you feel about your emotions, life, etc. then, I believe, you will be better equipped to love and be passionate about the people in your life and the things you do.
From all this, I’ve learned to take a break if you need one, in fact, take several if you’d like; they don’t make you look weak and people will admire your courage and strength. Listen to the “whispers” in life, and if they sound crazy, talk to someone, act when you’re ready, and don’t be afraid to take chances. Life is too short to be anything but happy; it’s cliche, but so, so, so true!Add to favorites